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Borderline and Gender
Male-typical Borderline Expression: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-almost-effect/201405/men-borderline-personality-disorder "Aggressively thin-skinned: On the few occasions when Diane tried to talk to Michael about any behavior on his part that bothered her—such as his drinking--he would fly into a rage and drive her away ... In other words, as insecure as he might be, Michael always took the offensive when he felt criticized." "Possessive but detached: As much as Michael’s jealousy might be seen as possessiveness on his part, his role as a husband and parent was pretty much detached. He did not share much of his emotional life with Diane; and he showed relatively little interest in his children’s day to day lives." "A breakthrough came as a result of a very simple statement that Michael made in response to my asking his if he could give me an image of what it felt like for him, growing up in that family. At first he laughed, but then his expression turned sad. “It was like I was on the outside of that so-called ‘family’, looking in.” I’ve heard this same description of their childhood so many times from men with BPD that I’ve come to see is as a template for working with them. To put it simply, through therapy they need to change their stance in life from “being on the outside looking in”, to “being on the inside, looking out.” https://www.reignitethefire.net/dating-a-male-with-bpd-borderline-personality-disorder/ Insecurity: "People and their relationships usually have some sort of pattern. If you look at your own relationship history, you will probably notice a pattern of dating the same type of men. For men with BPD, this pattern isn’t going to be as simple as ‘he only dates women with brown hair.’ Instead, the pattern to look for is going to be more like ‘'he only dates women who wear their hearts on their shoulders and fall in love quickly'.’ ... You see, people who are insecure and have self-esteem issues like to wear a mask. They don’t like who they really are, so they put on a mask when they meet people. When he met you. He might appear to be charming, dashing and have dozens of women chasing him. But when that masks comes off, you experience who he really is. Because these men tend to be insecure, they’ll pull out all the charm and seduction games to woo you over for several weeks or months. But eventually they can’t keep up the charade. Eventually, the truth comes out and you realize you fell in love with a false persona." Over-reaction: "One of the most common problems you’ll come across with your BPD man is that he’ll overreact to anything you say. This happens with both Borderline men and women. You constantly feel like you’re walking on egg shells because anything you say gets thrown out of proportion and received negatively." https://namimc.org/male-borderline-personality-disorder-know/ "The key to identifying BPD in males is to look at the constellation of symptoms and the intensity of the emotions of the individual: ... Red flags to look for include: # Frequent romantic relationships (often too close together): Do you know a male who has been with tons of women? Did this guy feel guilty or did they feel admired? Believe it or not, some males with BPD symptoms will date multiple women (feel guilty later) and refuse to commit due to a fear of abandonment. Other males will “scare” their spouses away with their quick tempers, argumentativeness, and sometimes even physical aggression. ... # Drama laden behaviors and attitudes: Most of society, primarily men, would say that “women are dramatic.” Some women would agree ... But for males, the drama would look at bit different. For example, I previous worked with a 13 year old male who would come to therapy idealizing me and his work with me almost all month until the final week of the month when he would become very detached emotionally and standoffish. He fluctuated between liking me and confiding in me, to rejecting my ideas and therapeutic support. During these “episodes,” he would also break up with a girl and pursue another. He would also reach out to old girlfriends via texting with the excuse that: “I didn’t end things right, I need to make it right.” This continued for years. ... 4. Hot and Cold interactions with others: Some individuals with BPD really struggle with relationships and often have trouble with interpretation of comments, body language, and emotions. For example, a male with BPD might find it quite disturbing that his wife speaks to other men while in public. He might begin to behave oddly such as being emotionally distant, becoming easily angered, not openly communicating, or begin taking everything personally. This same man may later act as if nothing happened and instantly appear to be one of the most fair spouses you could ever have. The emotions of BPD are like a roller coaster at times and it can be difficult to determine what emotion the individual might exhibit from one moment to another. 8. Anger outbursts but social charm: Many of us are used to hearing that sociopaths or narcissists are superficial, shallow, and manipulative. But we must also consider that an individual with BPD (who may also have other diagnoses) can become very angry to the point of manipulating situations or responding to confrontations/arguments inappropriately. Anger outbursts can occur more than we think in individuals with BPD." References See also Autism and GenderCategory:Borderline Category:Psychology Category:Gender